Recently I encountered several people who've been in situations that left them feeling lost and wounded. Our widows each experienced loss. Losing a mate is life-changing. We've all had hurts, abuses and disappointments. Do you still feel unforgiveness, anger, resentment, or bitterness? Do you feel what has happened is unfair? We all had wounds, sometimes by those we love the most. Yet, I believe we have choices in how we react.
A quote I came across recently from Dr. Linda Mintle was, "Hanging onto resentment is letting someone you dislike live rent-free in your head." C. S. Lewis made a statement quoted in Mere Christianity: Everyone says that forgiveness is a lovely idea until they have something to forgive.
This week I received a clip from an old appearance by Corrie ten Boom on The 700 Club. The book and movie, "The Hiding Place" were made about her life. During WW II, she and her family harbored Jews in their home in Holland. When they were discovered, her family was imprisoned by the Nazis. She and her sister Betsie were the sole survivors in their family, but Betsie died of malnutrition shortly before the end of the war. Corrie was to be exterminated, but was released and began a world-wide ministry of preaching and teaching. One day after a meeting Corrie met the German guard who had been most abusive to her and Betsie. He held out his hand saying he was now a Christian. Corrie had a moment to choose how to act. She remembered Romans 5:5, God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, who He has given us. At that moment she was able to reach out to the German guard, now her brother in Christ, in forgiveness for the atrocities he committed against her and her beloved sister.
I was also given a book recently called The Forgiveness Project by Dr. Michael S. Barry, Director of Pastoral Care at Cancer Treatment Centers in Philadelphia. It is fascinating showing startling discoveries that the immune system and forgiveness are connected. He cited case studies identifying and overcoming barriers that prevented healing and peace. He also mentioned myths many believe. One I felt quite interesting was Forgiveness = Reconciliation. Untrue. Forgiveness involves one person: you. Reconciliation involves two or more people. To reconcile means "to reestablish a close relationship between" or "to settle or resolve." In death I have seen where family members disagreed with funeral arrangements. They became embittered because they felt services should have been handled differently. The widow was faithful to her husband's wishes. In this situation, the widow must choose to forgive the family members regardless of what the others do. Unforgiveness hurts only one person, the one who holds onto it. Dr. Barry's patients described feeling incredible peace after seeing they were not responsible for anyone but their own choice to forgive.
A good book for widows was written by Miriam Neff, From One Widow to Another - Conversations on the New You. She talks about some myths about friendship. Myth #1 - Friends understand what you experience. No - Does anyone know how you feel when you go into an empty cold bed at night? Do they stare in the refrigerator and realize they don't even know the kind of food they like?
Another myth she mentioned was: All types of friends have your best interests at heart. Not true. We have friends who love and accept us. They love us with no agenda. Others who were friends when we were a couple no longer have anything in common with us. There are other so-called friends who are really "users". We need to be very wary of them. For those of you who have this book, you can find Miriam's entire chapter on Friends in Chapter Six. I have copies if anyone needs one. It is a book written by a widow that expresses many things most of us feel. Her website "The Widow Connecton" is attached to this Blog under Other Resources.
Each one of us has our own story and challenges. Yet there are similarities in what we experience. However, a huge key is our need to forgive and go on to the next door the Lord opens. Like me, Miriam has had many new experiences. I never dreamed I would see Israel - but I have ~~ or go to China and countries in the Orient. God opened doors and I was in several countries six times. Other doors have opened to me, and though I am not anxious to travel at this time, I look forward to the biggest one - when the Lord Jesus calls His children home.
Meanwhile, we each have our own choice to make: Will we allow what someone else thinks or does be a Tombstone and hinder us from the good things God has - or will we choose to use them as a Steppingstone to new adventures? Like Don Piper who was dead 90 minutes in a head-on collision and raised up, spoke about finding his New Normal. He lives in intense pain after being hospitalized more than a year, but he travels and shares his story. My life has been rewarding. Do you want to find yours? Take God's Steppingstone into your New Normal.
