Step By Step - Baby Steps into your Destiny

I have been seeking practical ways to "Find Your New Normal". This week I attended Calvary's Chick Cafe`. These are special times of fellowship sponsored by the Women's Ministries of Calvary. My Pastor's wife, Angela Coon, shared a heart-warming message. I took notes and asked Angela's permission to use her teaching to share with you. She kindly consented, and I know this will bless you. Thank you again, Angela, for touching all our hearts with your inspired teaching, and for the privilege to share it here.

I will preface this by reminding us that God has given each of us unique and special gifts entrusted only to us, not to make us feel good, but to allow us to be used by Him to draw others closer to Him, and help us through our own struggles in the process. A long time ago I heard someone share that as someone waters or refreshes someone else, the hose they use to share the water also gets wet. I thought this was excellent and I've never forgotten it, and often see it happen. As we go through these "baby steps", please remember you need to take only a baby step. Babies learn to take one step at a time; they fall, but we Moms lift them up and encourage them to try again. So - here are some "Baby Steps" to help you find your "New Normal".

1. STEP TOWARD KNOWING GOD - We cannot serve or help others unless we ourselves get our strength and wisdom from a personal relationship with God through His Son Jesus. We need to get into His Word daily to get to know Him. I call the Bible God's love letter to ME. Before meeting Christ personally, I tried to read the Bible. I probably made the mistake of "starting at the very beginning", in Genesis. I never got through that, but when I met the Author, it all changed. I thank God that He has given me a voracious appetite for His Word, and I am beginning to know Him more intimately. Try to memorize scriptures that minister to you specifically, and start a journal or notebook. As you read, ask the Holy Spirit to speak to you and reveal what He wants to show you. Then be quick to OBEY. I found I did not always understand, but tried to walk as closely as I felt the Lord show me, and He gradually gave me deeper understanding. You cannot understand everything. God is too big for us to fully understand it all now. One of my favorite scriptures has been 2 Cor. 1:3, 4 "Who comforts us in all our troubles, so we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God."
2. QUIT COMPARING - Never compare yourself with others. There is always someone better, more qualified, bigger, more educated or with more experience. In Gal. 5:26, as Angela put it, "This means we will not compare ourselves with each other as if one of us were better and another worse. We have far more interesting things to do with our lives. Each of us is an original." Gideon was a young man in Judges 6. The angel of the Lord appeared to him, calling him a "mighty warrior". Gideon tried to argue that his clan was the weakest in Manasseh, and he was the least in his family. Yet God saw a Mighty Warrior, because He saw Himself in Gideon. Gideon saw his weakness; God saw His strength in him. God promised to do a mighty work through a weak man - and He can use us as "weak widows" too. But Christ in you makes you a mighty warrior too. Remember, we are "The Widow's Might." "If you're doing something that doesn't stretch or scare you, then you're probably playing it safe and not stepping out and joining God in what He is doing." (Angela)
3. RECOGNIZE IT'S GOD'S POWER - NOT YOURS - 2 Cor. 4:7 "We have this treasure in earthen vessels that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us." God chooses earthen, weak vessels to display the excellency of His power. He provides the wisdom, strength, power and spiritual gifts necessary as we get to know Him, make ourselves available and depend on Him. "No, you don't have the power to minister, but we offer ourselves, who we are, where we are, and God supplies the power." (Angela)
4. BELIEVE YOU ARE DESIGNED FOR MINISTRY - Ministry is simply serving others through the gifts, talents, abilities and interests you possess. Eph. 2:10 "For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." No matter what your personality, you were created to minister to others. Each of us is unique, one of a kind. We are wired differently with individual personalities; we all have distinct backgrounds and experiences. We have different strengths and talents, and each of us is desperately needed in the ministry. The outgoing talkative one is an encourager, a cheerleader; there is one who keeps us organized and thinks of details; the energizer bunny keeps producing results, working and leading; and the steady consistent helper has a calm, cool and collected personality. God knit you in your mother's womb, designed you as an original for the purpose you will discover as you come to know Him and yourself. Listen to your heart, your desires, interests, your wiring and follow it. This is God's blueprint for your life.
5. STEP INTO YOUR DESIRES - Rom. 12 "We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man's gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith. If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully." At this point in Angela's teaching she briefly shared her own example. She did not just step into speaking at conferences and retreats. She started as a child teaching her dolls and neighborhood kids. Then she helped teach and lead worship in Children's Church, sang and toured in a college group. Her husband asked her to teach an adult class. She tried to refuse, but in her obedience, God gave her a love for teaching adults, developing Bible studies, preaching and speaking outside the church. Now she steps out into speaking at many churches, women's retreats and conferences. When I was a fairly new Christian the Lord led me to attend a 6-week Ministry Training School. On my return a new friend asked if we could get together for Bible studies. I started sharing basic Bible studies with her, then started to have small prayer and Bible study groups, and just followed God's open doors. "Don't be overwhelmed by what you see others doing - God will take you one step at a time, step by step of obedience to His call." (Angela)
6. CHANGE YOUR THINKING - Take fearful anxious thoughts captive (2 Cor. 10:5). Also Phil. 4:8 "Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things." Do not entertain negative thoughts; stop them in their tracks. Do not let fear immobilize you in your comfort zone. Step out into opportunites God is opening all around you.
7. FOLLOW YOUR HEART - 2 Cor. 5:14 "For the love of Christ compels us...that we should no longer live our lives for ourselves, but for Him." Compels - A sense of constraint, a tight grip that prevents an escape. The love of Christ leaves us no choice except to live our lives to please Him, instead of ourselves. 1 John 4:18 "Perfect love casts out fear." The greatest deterrent to stepping out into ministry is fear, but when we have experienced the amazing, forgiving, restoring healing love of God, we want others to experience it too. We cannot keep it to ourselves. There are people only you can touch through your life.

WE CAN TAKE ONE STEP AT A TIME INTO GOD'S WILL FOR US, BABY STEPS INTO OUR DESTINY, FULFILLING OUR DESIGN TO PERFORM GOOD WORKS.

THAT'S WHAT WE WERE DESIGNED TO DO - WE CAN DO IT!

How Do I Find MY New Normal?

This question was asked during our recent meeting. The answer to this is obviously unique for each of us. We all have different gifts, unique interests, abilities and areas in which we can find joy and comfort for our wounded hearts. All of our lives we are on a journey, a process of ever growing and relating with others. Losing a mate changes every facet of our lives more dramatically than any other. Grandmoms love to visit and share with grandchildren. When they are not nearby we love to receive notes, pictures and news from them. My eight year old grandson recently sent me a love note with xoxoxo's and he was "lerning cursive".

This came as a ray of sunshine on a day I felt more lonely than normal. I usually stay fairly busy.The first order of my day is time spent with the Lord and in His Word. This was a holiday in which nothing particular was happening. Special friends were out of town, but the Lord sent the note from Caleb when I needed a lift. I personally find reading and Bible study to be a deep joy and can get immersed in stories of interesting characters and their locale. Historical novels can be fascinating. Others enjoy scrapbooking, needlework, doing puzzles, playing cards or games. With a computer there are always friends to chat with on line. (I personally enjoy letting my fingers do the walking more than phone calls - yet chatting with friends on the phone can also be therapeutic.) Volunteering at a hospital, in a school or church can be extremely fulfilling, Focusing on needs of others brings healing to our raw emotions.

When I asked another widow what she thought, her answer was simply, "One day at a time." I remember soon after my husband's sudden death. I was living away from home; we had been transferred to the area for his job only a year before and I had no close friends. I had worked most of my life before the birth of our last son. My eldest guys were in school, and I had my 20-month old son. I talked with him as if he knew just what I was talking about. (I guess this is why he continues to be quite verbal today.) I remember picking up a magazine and found an article of a young woman expecting her sixth child when her husband had a heart attack and died in bed beside her. She not only had his traumatic death to go through, but a pregnancy with a sixth child without the love of her life with her. That caused me to focus on the fact there were others with challenges far greater than mine.

What is "New Normal"? I was introduced to that term by Don Piper in his sequel to "90 Minutes in Heaven." He was a Youth Pastor before the life-changing accident in which he was killed. He lay covered by a medic in his wrecked car for 90 minutes when a man was instructed to pray for him. He had to crawl into the wreckage. After prayer, he began to sing, "What a Friend We Have in Jesus" and suddenly heard the "dead man" sing with him. He had been on a journey to Heaven, but was sent back to his fragmented body. Had he not died on impact, he would have bled to death from his massive injuries. Part of his leg was in the back seat and had to be reconnected, massive cuts covered his body. He spent more than a year in the hospital. He was encouraged to get a book written about his journey to Heaven. This opened many doors to share his testimony of the wonders he was shown. His second book tells more of his story, but he says he can never again be a Youth Pastor. He has great difficulty moving, is in constant pain from his massive injuries, but has begun to find his "new normal". The Lord quickened this phrase to my heart in a mighty way, and interestingly, I have found it in many books I have read since then.

So ~ how can you find YOUR New Normal? Try doing new things. Did you ever desire a college education or have other dreams? It is never too late to start taking a new course or start a new adventure. In the process you will meet new and interesting people and grow in the process. As I look back over the past forty years as I tried to find my own "new normal", I am amazed and would hardly know the young insecure and fearful widow I once was.

In the process of working on this Blog I had difficulty. I decided to take a break and get back later. The book "Choosing to SEE" by Mary Beth Chapman was staring me in the face. I got it in the mail Thursday evening, started to read it Thursday night after my return from The Widow's Might meeting when I was unable to fall asleep. I read more yesterday, and decided to finish reading it before returning to this Blog. I quote from Page 255 in Mary Beth's beautiful book (about the death of her precious 5-year old daughter):

"For the most part, everyone is adjusting to the new normal~you know the one with a huge elephant in the room that some days you just have to ignore to make it through the day~or on other days, you talk it out, cry it out, fight it out, or pray it out of the room".  (So here is another reference to someone else trying to find her "New Normal" after the death of a loved one.)

Friends, please let the ladies in our group help you through your journey of discovery; know you have a loving support system ready and willing to walk with you. Yet the most important answer is to seek your Creator. He has a marvelous plan for your life. His word tells us in Psalm 139 that "we are fearfully and wonderfully made." Jeremiah 29:11 also tells us: "I know the thoughts (plans) that I have toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope." He promises to be with us always; He hears our every cry or whisper as we call to Him, "Help me, Lord!"

We love you, but He loves you so much more, and He died for you and for me . . .

In Christ, Dee

Trying To Understand Grief

Since I meet new widows, I'd like to share some things we're learning together. First, anyone who loses a loved one will experience Grief. The "Hows and Ways" are numerous, but Grief is a part of a process we must go through to achieve healing in our emotions so we may recover and grow. I enjoy speaking of it as our "New Normal" because no matter what we may do, our lives will NEVER be the same without our loving mates. We can learn new skills, make lots of new friends, and have many new experiences, particularly when we bring the Living Savior into our lives. His Word has been a true anchor for me and many friends. Grief encompasses many feelings, such as Shock and Denial, Anger (Why Me?), Guilt, Depression, Loneliness, and yes, Acceptance.

Three "N's" I found about GRIEF - #1, it is NORMAL - this is how we respond to a significant personal loss. #2, it is NATURAL - we are created to grieve, just as we are created to love. #3, it is NECESSARY. Grief provides a healthy way to cope with loss and everything it means to us. We just cannot ignore or avoid grief. To take one thing at a time, or even one day at a time is wise. Finding friends with whom to share is important. This can be a problem, because most of our friends have not walked through the doors of Grief as we have, so it is important to find others in Support Groups, in your churches, or reach out as a Volunteer in an area where you may have an interest. I found reaching out was a marvelous way to forget myself a while and find new interests. I had personally worked many years, when I suddenly lost my husband. Since my youngest son was less than two years old, I did not want a job until he was older. I enjoy pretty things, and decided to sell Avon in my neighborhood several days a month. It got me out to meet my new neighbors, and I enjoyed that.  Each of us have our own ways of coping, but journaling can also be therapeutic.

For anyone who receives this Blog, we will meet at Calvary Assemly in the Prayer Room this Thursday, September 9 at 6:30 PM (and the first Thursday of each month). For further information please let me know how I may contact you, and we'll welcome you in our sharing group. If you are unable to meet with us personally, let us know your concerns and questions. We can discuss them and see how others dealt with those topics. We'll all be hit at one time or another, but it is how we respond that matters.  Respond with faith and hope that you are NOT alone. You have a Savior who loves and died for you.  He has given us His word as an anchor. He even tells us "He is our Husband" (Isa. 54:5), and there are always others who are ready to walk this journey with you.

My love and prayers,   Dee

Welcome to the Lord's Newest Challenge for me!

No more excuses.   My precious son Joel helped me set up this new Blog Spot to encourage and comfort widows, especially between monthly meetings, perhaps to even reach out to others who also need to know someone understands and cares and are unable to join us.   Having been suddenly widowed many years ago, I had no one anywhere near the age of my young sons with whom to relate.  They're now all grown and I have four grandchildren.  The past years I have been blessed to be able to meet with ladies of various ages at my church, Calvary Assembly of God in Dover, Delaware.  We meet monthly for fellowship, sharing prayer needs with each other, Bible studies, devotions and discussions as each of us try to better understand and deal with the various stages of our grieving processes.   It has been a great joy for me to be able to see how the God of All Comfort (2 Cor. 1:3, 4) allows us to meet and share together, and to afterward see how our Healing Jesus has wrought healing breakthroughs to our precious ladies.  Please pray with me so I may have wisdom to share things we are learning about grief, and how to find our "New Normal" after the loss of our "better half", our beloved husbands.   If any of you have special topics you wish to share or explore, please let me know.  I want this to be YOUR BLOGSPOT, not mine.  I truly desire this will be a place where you might know someone truly cares for you, and wants the best God has as you search for for your "New Normal".   "Now the God of hope fill you will all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost." (Romans 15:13).     My love and prayers are with you.       Dee