STAIRS of GRIEF

At our most recent Widow's Might meeting we discussed our latest Blog on Myths & Facts About Grief. We found in sharing our experiences many felt similar emotions, and found comfort as we shared and let each other realize neither is alone in her grief. We also realize we must actively participate in our grief journey. It is not something we can try to ignore and have it go away by itself. We need to become "intentional survivors" not hapless victims. We need to seek help from each other, read, journal, reach out to others in pain, set a goal, no matter how small, and let our emotions out without shame.

I found an interesting article I'd like to share portions with you. It was called "STAIRS of GRIEF".  I enjoyed a comment in it to ascend our stairs slowly. . . taking baby steps each day.  Where did we hear that before? 

The 1st step is usually SHOCK. Our loved one dies, we feel disbelief and numbness from head to soul. This enables us to choose a casket, sign papers, read sympathy cards and share our grief with others. We feel like we're in a primal stage of survival; we function as an automaton and accomplish the impossible; we bury or cremate the body of our loved one. Looking back, I believe most felt as I did that you were an outsider watching yourself, not totally "there", even though your body is there. Many aspects of that time are also forgotten.  You might remember some people or incidents, but there are also missing links.

The 2nd step is TRAUMA. The reality of our loss and struggle to comprehend and weave it into the fabric of our daily life usually becomes our next challenge. This might be the step where one lingers longest. Out of habit we return to work, go through holidays and struggle each day to cope. Every morning we open our eyes after a fitful night's sleep and again fight with denial and disbelief. The light of a new day calls us to rejoin the human race that we are not anxious to embrace. We move forward, even function, but feel like we're dishonoring our loved one. We know there is no going back, yet we don't really want to move ahead. So we stay where we are on that step for as long as it takes.

The 3rd step is ACCEPTANCE. This is the most powerful step toward moving forward in processing our loss; when we can actually accept the loss has taken place, we can then make plans for the future, as nebulous as it may seem. This is not easy, but is crucial for our survival. Accepting the reality of the loss is NOT forgetting or letting go. It is living with the loss and accepting its damage to our future. I know because in a good marriage we are "one flesh" with our husbands, I literally felt like my best half was buried with him.

Then comes our 4th step - INSIGHT. This is where we look deep within ourselves to try to find ourselves. We question our faith and seek to find the meaning of life in the depths of our sorrow. We use our tools of intuition, gut feelings and prayer to access the world, inside and out, in a different light of perception. The more we know, the more we know how much we don't know. We look to find answers to the whys and deep cries of our wounded souls, and are finally willing to hear some answers.

The 5th step is then REBUILDING. This is where we take charge of our journey and find creative and healthy ways to process our loss. This is where we earnestly attempt to reconstruct the foundation of a life that was shattered and try to regain joy which is ours in Christ. We become intentional in our lives. This is where we can make a difference in the world and fulfill our personal destiny. When we honor our loved one's life by creating a legacy in his name, the world is enriched rather than diminished.

Our 6th step is SERENITY and true peace. This is not always possible in this world, loss or no loss, but it is attainable in Christ. It may take years, even decades to reach, or it may creep into our lives on the journey itself, when we are caught by surprise to see the face in the mirror is smiling. Miracles to happen. Believe.

One of my favorite scriptures which I shared previously is 2 Cor. 1:3-4.  Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulations, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.

These verses have helped me in my journey with grief so often, and I can now give my Lord Jesus the praise and thanks that He comforted me by revealing His reality to my heart, and is now giving me the privilege to minister His loving care and presence to others, whether to other widows, hospital patients, friends from church in Bible Studies, wherever I go.  It has been a lot of years that I have been on this journey now, but with the presence of Jesus, each day gets sweeter than the day before - because of His loving care and presence.  I picked up my Inspirational Study Bible by Max Lucado, who is a Pastor in Texas and one of my favorite authors. 

I'd like to close this Blog with a quote from this Inspirational Bible: "Why?" we cry as we stand at the grave of a loved one.  Life is short and sometimes tragic, and each day we are reminded of our finiteness. We don't know the future, we don't know the relationship between events, and we certainly don't know why. But we do know that God is good and all knowing--nothing catches Him by surprise, not the car out of control, the malignant tumor, the hurricane, or the disease. So even as we wonder and question the reason and cause for each event, we can be confident that God knows and that in everything, even the senseless tragedy, He is working.

I pray each of you has a Blessed Thanksgiving Day filled with loved ones and new surprises from your Loving Heavenly Father.

In Christ's Love and mine,     Dee

I Will Never Leave Nor Forsake You (Hebrews 13:5)

As most of my friends know, I'm a rather voracious reader, and always like to find something to share with others, especially widows. Though I recently entered a new Blog, last evening I came across something I'd like to further encourage you in your journey with Grief.

I have been reading a 1988 Daily Guideposts that was my Mother's. I'd saved many copies of these inspiring books, but gave most of them to others. Two of Mother's escaped, and I have been rereading them. Last evening I came across a devotional written by Aletha Jane Lindstrom about a friend, Pat. Her father died, leaving her mother in a deep, lasting depression. Pat did all she could, but adjustment for her mother was slow and trying. I know many of you still deal with adjustments and challenges.

Pat prayed for a way to help. Finally she decided to make up a booklet titled "One Day At A Time." One of my friends in our Widow's Might gave me this as her favorite bit of advice when I asked her thoughts sometime ago. Each page of Pat's booklet contained an activity selected to help her mother overcome inertia and self-pity by renewing her awareness of God's goodness and encouraging her to reach out to others. For example:

Monday: Get up early and take a dawn walk. Watch the world wake up.

Tuesday: Take time to bake bread from scratch. Enjoy the cool feeling of dough in your hands. Notice how the more you punch it down, the more it rises. (Then share it with a friend.)

Wednesday: Go to the library and browse. Follow your inclinations. You may find yourself gravitating toward a book that can help you - or a person you can talk with - Maybe go out to lunch with her later?

Thursday: Write a thank-you letter - possibly to an old teacher, a friend, your pastor, your child? Make a list of people you feel grateful to, and why. Pray and thank God for them.

Friday: Do something today for someone else who was close to your husband. Find a picture they'd enjoy, or share something your loved one said about them they'd like to hear. They're grieving too, and would appreciate attention from you.

Saturday: Go for a drive. Pick a different direction and explore. Feel the wind on your face, the peaceful solace of movement on an open road. Thank God for your life and living things. This is a lovely season to enjoy the lovely Fall foliage. (I will never forget a precious memory of my Dad while my family lived in Texas. I missed the Fall. One day at lunchtime, Dad picked up fall leaves in many colors and sent them to me. No one will ever know how that helped my homesickness, and how much it endeared me to my Dad. This was something totally unexpected from him. I saved those leaves until they fell apart).

Sunday: Spend quiet time thinking of dreams for the future. Touch your toes ten times. Thank God for something each time. Get up and go to church, even if you don't feel like it. Above all, don't isolate yourself from people or God at this crucial time.

Here are more ideas. Look for another lonely friend. No one of us is truly alone; Pat's mother had her daughter, and there are others who may not have a daughter or son of her own who'd enjoy having us reach out to them.

Thanksgiving is coming in about another month. Can you think of someone who has no family you might invite to join you (and your family if you are blessed with other family members)? At Calvary we have the feeding program with which you can help. I can never forget when I lived in Oklahoma. My sons were all away and I felt "alone in a strange land." I prayed that the Lord would fill the void in my life with Himself. He did, and I never felt alone while I lived in that home. The Lord also brought many new friends into my life, some of whom I continue to hear from many years later. At Thanksgiving, Christmas and other times, my sons brought friends home to celebrate with us. One year a son brought a friend with his boy and a young man spending the year with them from Germany. Another son brought college friends from many states too far away to go home for the holidays. We had new friends join us from all over the country, and Germany that year. I often think of Hans, and pray He met the Savior who loves and died for him. He'd never experienced such love in the Family of God, and I hope to one day meet him in Heaven.

What kind of memories can you make for others in this time that you yourself feel alone? As the Scriptures say, "A generous man (or woman) will prosper; he (or she) who refreshes others will himself (or herself) be refreshed. (Prov. 11:25). Let someone else know His love and yours. In a previous Blog I recalled how the hose used to water others itself gets wet. You can never lose when you reach out to others. Look up! Encourage yourself in the Lord like David (1 Samuel 30:6). When the fog surrounds you and you can't see the way out, lie back in the arms of Jesus and trust Him. He wants your faith, your confidence. He wants you to cry out, "Jesus loves me! He is with me, and will not fail me. In fact, He's working it all out right now. I will not be cast down. I will not be defeated. God is on my side! I love Him and He loves me."

A Blessed "Thanks Living" to all. Jesus loves you and so do I! Dee

Myths & Facts About Grief

We have recently been meeting more widows. My heart goes out to each one, because I remember so deeply how alone I felt when I had no one with whom to speak about my feelings. Forty years ago I was the only woman in my neighborhood of 100 homes where there was no husband or daddy. My young sons were made more aware of this by unkind remarks made by their peers about why they had no daddy. This only made my own wounds more painful.

New materials about "Myths & Facts About Grief" were given to me recently, and I felt sharing some of these would be helpful for you.

MYTH:The pain of loss will go away faster if you ignore it.
FACT:Trying to ignore your pain or keep it hidden will not make it go away. Rather, facing and actively dealing with your grief will bring about true healing more quickly.

MYTH:It's important to "be strong" in the face of loss.
FACT:Feeling sad, frightened, lonely or having other similar emotions, is a normal reaction to loss. Crying or breaking down does not mean you are weak. You do not need to protect your family or others by putting on a brave front. Showing your true feelings will help them and you. This was the biggest mistake I made. I feared if I allowed myself to cry I would never be able to stop, and tried to hide my true feelings from my sons. I should instead have been free to share and cry with them.

MYTH:If you don't cry, it means you aren't sorry about the loss.
FACT:Crying is a normal response to sorrow, but it is not the only one. Those who do not cry may feel the pain just as deeply as others. They may simply have other ways of coping with it. They need just as much support and comfort from others.

MYTH:Grief should last about a year.
FACT:There is no right time frame for grieving. How long it takes to recover from loss differs widely from person to person.

MYTH:Moving on with your life means you're forgetting the one you lost.
FACT:Moving on means you have accepted your loved one's death. That is not the same as forgetting. You can adjust to a "new normal" while always keeping your loved one's memory a part of you. Though my husband has been gone many years, every time I see one of my sons or grandchildren, I see him through them and rejoice they will one day know him when we are all together with Christ.

MYTH:When a death is expected, all grieving is done in advance.
FACT:People often do start grieving ahead of an expected death such as a terminal illness. Yet, as prepared as a person may feel, the actual death can still cause intense reactions.

MYTH:Friends can help the mourner by not bringing up the subject of the loss.
FACT:People who grieve usually want and need to talk about their loss. Bringing up the topic can give a mourner an opening to talk. But if they do not seem to want to talk, don't pry or force conversation.

MYTH:A good way to express sympathy is to say "I know how you feel."
FACT:Everyone feels grief in a different way. It is not possible for anyone to know exactly what another person is going through after a loss. Saying "I know how you feel" can make a mourner feel like you're making light of his or her pain, and I confess I felt anger when it was said to me. No one can know unless you yourself have lost a mate what it is like to lose your "better half". A good marriage is being "one flesh" with our mate, and loss makes us feel as if we're only "half-there". I literally felt my right side went into the grave with my husband, but I had to continue going on because of our sons.

WHAT SHOULD PEOPLE SAY OR DO? My best suggestion is being there with a hug for the grieving ones, and letting them know you are with them to support them. Let them talk about their grief when they desire, but just "be there". Sometimes the less words spoken, the more deeply felt is your compassion, and see how you can support and help the family in practical ways.

WHAT SHOULD YOU DO? There is NO right or wrong way to feel or think about your loss. Do not be pressured by others' ideas of how you "should" or "have to" be. Try to express your feelings or thoughts. You can do this by talking, crying, writing or physical activity. Also, reach out to people you trust. This is the time to lean on friends and other supportive people. Look for those who accept your feelings and thoughts, no matter what they are. Often, people want to help, but don't know how. Try simply telling them what you need.

For those of you who see this Blog and are in the Dover, DE area, come and join The Widow's Might at our meetings on the 2nd Thursday of each month at 6:30 in the Prayer Room of Calvary Assembly Church. All are welcome. Our next meeting will be on Thursday, November 11, 2010. We welcome ladies who have lost mates to come to share as you desire and pray with and support each other.

I recently found two encouraging quotes by Helen Keller that I thought were appropriate for widows looking for our "New Normal". "Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all." and "The best way out is always through."

We look forward to having you join us. Love in Christ, Dee

Step By Step - Baby Steps into your Destiny

I have been seeking practical ways to "Find Your New Normal". This week I attended Calvary's Chick Cafe`. These are special times of fellowship sponsored by the Women's Ministries of Calvary. My Pastor's wife, Angela Coon, shared a heart-warming message. I took notes and asked Angela's permission to use her teaching to share with you. She kindly consented, and I know this will bless you. Thank you again, Angela, for touching all our hearts with your inspired teaching, and for the privilege to share it here.

I will preface this by reminding us that God has given each of us unique and special gifts entrusted only to us, not to make us feel good, but to allow us to be used by Him to draw others closer to Him, and help us through our own struggles in the process. A long time ago I heard someone share that as someone waters or refreshes someone else, the hose they use to share the water also gets wet. I thought this was excellent and I've never forgotten it, and often see it happen. As we go through these "baby steps", please remember you need to take only a baby step. Babies learn to take one step at a time; they fall, but we Moms lift them up and encourage them to try again. So - here are some "Baby Steps" to help you find your "New Normal".

1. STEP TOWARD KNOWING GOD - We cannot serve or help others unless we ourselves get our strength and wisdom from a personal relationship with God through His Son Jesus. We need to get into His Word daily to get to know Him. I call the Bible God's love letter to ME. Before meeting Christ personally, I tried to read the Bible. I probably made the mistake of "starting at the very beginning", in Genesis. I never got through that, but when I met the Author, it all changed. I thank God that He has given me a voracious appetite for His Word, and I am beginning to know Him more intimately. Try to memorize scriptures that minister to you specifically, and start a journal or notebook. As you read, ask the Holy Spirit to speak to you and reveal what He wants to show you. Then be quick to OBEY. I found I did not always understand, but tried to walk as closely as I felt the Lord show me, and He gradually gave me deeper understanding. You cannot understand everything. God is too big for us to fully understand it all now. One of my favorite scriptures has been 2 Cor. 1:3, 4 "Who comforts us in all our troubles, so we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God."
2. QUIT COMPARING - Never compare yourself with others. There is always someone better, more qualified, bigger, more educated or with more experience. In Gal. 5:26, as Angela put it, "This means we will not compare ourselves with each other as if one of us were better and another worse. We have far more interesting things to do with our lives. Each of us is an original." Gideon was a young man in Judges 6. The angel of the Lord appeared to him, calling him a "mighty warrior". Gideon tried to argue that his clan was the weakest in Manasseh, and he was the least in his family. Yet God saw a Mighty Warrior, because He saw Himself in Gideon. Gideon saw his weakness; God saw His strength in him. God promised to do a mighty work through a weak man - and He can use us as "weak widows" too. But Christ in you makes you a mighty warrior too. Remember, we are "The Widow's Might." "If you're doing something that doesn't stretch or scare you, then you're probably playing it safe and not stepping out and joining God in what He is doing." (Angela)
3. RECOGNIZE IT'S GOD'S POWER - NOT YOURS - 2 Cor. 4:7 "We have this treasure in earthen vessels that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us." God chooses earthen, weak vessels to display the excellency of His power. He provides the wisdom, strength, power and spiritual gifts necessary as we get to know Him, make ourselves available and depend on Him. "No, you don't have the power to minister, but we offer ourselves, who we are, where we are, and God supplies the power." (Angela)
4. BELIEVE YOU ARE DESIGNED FOR MINISTRY - Ministry is simply serving others through the gifts, talents, abilities and interests you possess. Eph. 2:10 "For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." No matter what your personality, you were created to minister to others. Each of us is unique, one of a kind. We are wired differently with individual personalities; we all have distinct backgrounds and experiences. We have different strengths and talents, and each of us is desperately needed in the ministry. The outgoing talkative one is an encourager, a cheerleader; there is one who keeps us organized and thinks of details; the energizer bunny keeps producing results, working and leading; and the steady consistent helper has a calm, cool and collected personality. God knit you in your mother's womb, designed you as an original for the purpose you will discover as you come to know Him and yourself. Listen to your heart, your desires, interests, your wiring and follow it. This is God's blueprint for your life.
5. STEP INTO YOUR DESIRES - Rom. 12 "We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man's gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith. If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully." At this point in Angela's teaching she briefly shared her own example. She did not just step into speaking at conferences and retreats. She started as a child teaching her dolls and neighborhood kids. Then she helped teach and lead worship in Children's Church, sang and toured in a college group. Her husband asked her to teach an adult class. She tried to refuse, but in her obedience, God gave her a love for teaching adults, developing Bible studies, preaching and speaking outside the church. Now she steps out into speaking at many churches, women's retreats and conferences. When I was a fairly new Christian the Lord led me to attend a 6-week Ministry Training School. On my return a new friend asked if we could get together for Bible studies. I started sharing basic Bible studies with her, then started to have small prayer and Bible study groups, and just followed God's open doors. "Don't be overwhelmed by what you see others doing - God will take you one step at a time, step by step of obedience to His call." (Angela)
6. CHANGE YOUR THINKING - Take fearful anxious thoughts captive (2 Cor. 10:5). Also Phil. 4:8 "Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things." Do not entertain negative thoughts; stop them in their tracks. Do not let fear immobilize you in your comfort zone. Step out into opportunites God is opening all around you.
7. FOLLOW YOUR HEART - 2 Cor. 5:14 "For the love of Christ compels us...that we should no longer live our lives for ourselves, but for Him." Compels - A sense of constraint, a tight grip that prevents an escape. The love of Christ leaves us no choice except to live our lives to please Him, instead of ourselves. 1 John 4:18 "Perfect love casts out fear." The greatest deterrent to stepping out into ministry is fear, but when we have experienced the amazing, forgiving, restoring healing love of God, we want others to experience it too. We cannot keep it to ourselves. There are people only you can touch through your life.

WE CAN TAKE ONE STEP AT A TIME INTO GOD'S WILL FOR US, BABY STEPS INTO OUR DESTINY, FULFILLING OUR DESIGN TO PERFORM GOOD WORKS.

THAT'S WHAT WE WERE DESIGNED TO DO - WE CAN DO IT!

How Do I Find MY New Normal?

This question was asked during our recent meeting. The answer to this is obviously unique for each of us. We all have different gifts, unique interests, abilities and areas in which we can find joy and comfort for our wounded hearts. All of our lives we are on a journey, a process of ever growing and relating with others. Losing a mate changes every facet of our lives more dramatically than any other. Grandmoms love to visit and share with grandchildren. When they are not nearby we love to receive notes, pictures and news from them. My eight year old grandson recently sent me a love note with xoxoxo's and he was "lerning cursive".

This came as a ray of sunshine on a day I felt more lonely than normal. I usually stay fairly busy.The first order of my day is time spent with the Lord and in His Word. This was a holiday in which nothing particular was happening. Special friends were out of town, but the Lord sent the note from Caleb when I needed a lift. I personally find reading and Bible study to be a deep joy and can get immersed in stories of interesting characters and their locale. Historical novels can be fascinating. Others enjoy scrapbooking, needlework, doing puzzles, playing cards or games. With a computer there are always friends to chat with on line. (I personally enjoy letting my fingers do the walking more than phone calls - yet chatting with friends on the phone can also be therapeutic.) Volunteering at a hospital, in a school or church can be extremely fulfilling, Focusing on needs of others brings healing to our raw emotions.

When I asked another widow what she thought, her answer was simply, "One day at a time." I remember soon after my husband's sudden death. I was living away from home; we had been transferred to the area for his job only a year before and I had no close friends. I had worked most of my life before the birth of our last son. My eldest guys were in school, and I had my 20-month old son. I talked with him as if he knew just what I was talking about. (I guess this is why he continues to be quite verbal today.) I remember picking up a magazine and found an article of a young woman expecting her sixth child when her husband had a heart attack and died in bed beside her. She not only had his traumatic death to go through, but a pregnancy with a sixth child without the love of her life with her. That caused me to focus on the fact there were others with challenges far greater than mine.

What is "New Normal"? I was introduced to that term by Don Piper in his sequel to "90 Minutes in Heaven." He was a Youth Pastor before the life-changing accident in which he was killed. He lay covered by a medic in his wrecked car for 90 minutes when a man was instructed to pray for him. He had to crawl into the wreckage. After prayer, he began to sing, "What a Friend We Have in Jesus" and suddenly heard the "dead man" sing with him. He had been on a journey to Heaven, but was sent back to his fragmented body. Had he not died on impact, he would have bled to death from his massive injuries. Part of his leg was in the back seat and had to be reconnected, massive cuts covered his body. He spent more than a year in the hospital. He was encouraged to get a book written about his journey to Heaven. This opened many doors to share his testimony of the wonders he was shown. His second book tells more of his story, but he says he can never again be a Youth Pastor. He has great difficulty moving, is in constant pain from his massive injuries, but has begun to find his "new normal". The Lord quickened this phrase to my heart in a mighty way, and interestingly, I have found it in many books I have read since then.

So ~ how can you find YOUR New Normal? Try doing new things. Did you ever desire a college education or have other dreams? It is never too late to start taking a new course or start a new adventure. In the process you will meet new and interesting people and grow in the process. As I look back over the past forty years as I tried to find my own "new normal", I am amazed and would hardly know the young insecure and fearful widow I once was.

In the process of working on this Blog I had difficulty. I decided to take a break and get back later. The book "Choosing to SEE" by Mary Beth Chapman was staring me in the face. I got it in the mail Thursday evening, started to read it Thursday night after my return from The Widow's Might meeting when I was unable to fall asleep. I read more yesterday, and decided to finish reading it before returning to this Blog. I quote from Page 255 in Mary Beth's beautiful book (about the death of her precious 5-year old daughter):

"For the most part, everyone is adjusting to the new normal~you know the one with a huge elephant in the room that some days you just have to ignore to make it through the day~or on other days, you talk it out, cry it out, fight it out, or pray it out of the room".  (So here is another reference to someone else trying to find her "New Normal" after the death of a loved one.)

Friends, please let the ladies in our group help you through your journey of discovery; know you have a loving support system ready and willing to walk with you. Yet the most important answer is to seek your Creator. He has a marvelous plan for your life. His word tells us in Psalm 139 that "we are fearfully and wonderfully made." Jeremiah 29:11 also tells us: "I know the thoughts (plans) that I have toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope." He promises to be with us always; He hears our every cry or whisper as we call to Him, "Help me, Lord!"

We love you, but He loves you so much more, and He died for you and for me . . .

In Christ, Dee

Trying To Understand Grief

Since I meet new widows, I'd like to share some things we're learning together. First, anyone who loses a loved one will experience Grief. The "Hows and Ways" are numerous, but Grief is a part of a process we must go through to achieve healing in our emotions so we may recover and grow. I enjoy speaking of it as our "New Normal" because no matter what we may do, our lives will NEVER be the same without our loving mates. We can learn new skills, make lots of new friends, and have many new experiences, particularly when we bring the Living Savior into our lives. His Word has been a true anchor for me and many friends. Grief encompasses many feelings, such as Shock and Denial, Anger (Why Me?), Guilt, Depression, Loneliness, and yes, Acceptance.

Three "N's" I found about GRIEF - #1, it is NORMAL - this is how we respond to a significant personal loss. #2, it is NATURAL - we are created to grieve, just as we are created to love. #3, it is NECESSARY. Grief provides a healthy way to cope with loss and everything it means to us. We just cannot ignore or avoid grief. To take one thing at a time, or even one day at a time is wise. Finding friends with whom to share is important. This can be a problem, because most of our friends have not walked through the doors of Grief as we have, so it is important to find others in Support Groups, in your churches, or reach out as a Volunteer in an area where you may have an interest. I found reaching out was a marvelous way to forget myself a while and find new interests. I had personally worked many years, when I suddenly lost my husband. Since my youngest son was less than two years old, I did not want a job until he was older. I enjoy pretty things, and decided to sell Avon in my neighborhood several days a month. It got me out to meet my new neighbors, and I enjoyed that.  Each of us have our own ways of coping, but journaling can also be therapeutic.

For anyone who receives this Blog, we will meet at Calvary Assemly in the Prayer Room this Thursday, September 9 at 6:30 PM (and the first Thursday of each month). For further information please let me know how I may contact you, and we'll welcome you in our sharing group. If you are unable to meet with us personally, let us know your concerns and questions. We can discuss them and see how others dealt with those topics. We'll all be hit at one time or another, but it is how we respond that matters.  Respond with faith and hope that you are NOT alone. You have a Savior who loves and died for you.  He has given us His word as an anchor. He even tells us "He is our Husband" (Isa. 54:5), and there are always others who are ready to walk this journey with you.

My love and prayers,   Dee

Welcome to the Lord's Newest Challenge for me!

No more excuses.   My precious son Joel helped me set up this new Blog Spot to encourage and comfort widows, especially between monthly meetings, perhaps to even reach out to others who also need to know someone understands and cares and are unable to join us.   Having been suddenly widowed many years ago, I had no one anywhere near the age of my young sons with whom to relate.  They're now all grown and I have four grandchildren.  The past years I have been blessed to be able to meet with ladies of various ages at my church, Calvary Assembly of God in Dover, Delaware.  We meet monthly for fellowship, sharing prayer needs with each other, Bible studies, devotions and discussions as each of us try to better understand and deal with the various stages of our grieving processes.   It has been a great joy for me to be able to see how the God of All Comfort (2 Cor. 1:3, 4) allows us to meet and share together, and to afterward see how our Healing Jesus has wrought healing breakthroughs to our precious ladies.  Please pray with me so I may have wisdom to share things we are learning about grief, and how to find our "New Normal" after the loss of our "better half", our beloved husbands.   If any of you have special topics you wish to share or explore, please let me know.  I want this to be YOUR BLOGSPOT, not mine.  I truly desire this will be a place where you might know someone truly cares for you, and wants the best God has as you search for for your "New Normal".   "Now the God of hope fill you will all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost." (Romans 15:13).     My love and prayers are with you.       Dee