How Do I Find MY New Normal?

This question was asked during our recent meeting. The answer to this is obviously unique for each of us. We all have different gifts, unique interests, abilities and areas in which we can find joy and comfort for our wounded hearts. All of our lives we are on a journey, a process of ever growing and relating with others. Losing a mate changes every facet of our lives more dramatically than any other. Grandmoms love to visit and share with grandchildren. When they are not nearby we love to receive notes, pictures and news from them. My eight year old grandson recently sent me a love note with xoxoxo's and he was "lerning cursive".

This came as a ray of sunshine on a day I felt more lonely than normal. I usually stay fairly busy.The first order of my day is time spent with the Lord and in His Word. This was a holiday in which nothing particular was happening. Special friends were out of town, but the Lord sent the note from Caleb when I needed a lift. I personally find reading and Bible study to be a deep joy and can get immersed in stories of interesting characters and their locale. Historical novels can be fascinating. Others enjoy scrapbooking, needlework, doing puzzles, playing cards or games. With a computer there are always friends to chat with on line. (I personally enjoy letting my fingers do the walking more than phone calls - yet chatting with friends on the phone can also be therapeutic.) Volunteering at a hospital, in a school or church can be extremely fulfilling, Focusing on needs of others brings healing to our raw emotions.

When I asked another widow what she thought, her answer was simply, "One day at a time." I remember soon after my husband's sudden death. I was living away from home; we had been transferred to the area for his job only a year before and I had no close friends. I had worked most of my life before the birth of our last son. My eldest guys were in school, and I had my 20-month old son. I talked with him as if he knew just what I was talking about. (I guess this is why he continues to be quite verbal today.) I remember picking up a magazine and found an article of a young woman expecting her sixth child when her husband had a heart attack and died in bed beside her. She not only had his traumatic death to go through, but a pregnancy with a sixth child without the love of her life with her. That caused me to focus on the fact there were others with challenges far greater than mine.

What is "New Normal"? I was introduced to that term by Don Piper in his sequel to "90 Minutes in Heaven." He was a Youth Pastor before the life-changing accident in which he was killed. He lay covered by a medic in his wrecked car for 90 minutes when a man was instructed to pray for him. He had to crawl into the wreckage. After prayer, he began to sing, "What a Friend We Have in Jesus" and suddenly heard the "dead man" sing with him. He had been on a journey to Heaven, but was sent back to his fragmented body. Had he not died on impact, he would have bled to death from his massive injuries. Part of his leg was in the back seat and had to be reconnected, massive cuts covered his body. He spent more than a year in the hospital. He was encouraged to get a book written about his journey to Heaven. This opened many doors to share his testimony of the wonders he was shown. His second book tells more of his story, but he says he can never again be a Youth Pastor. He has great difficulty moving, is in constant pain from his massive injuries, but has begun to find his "new normal". The Lord quickened this phrase to my heart in a mighty way, and interestingly, I have found it in many books I have read since then.

So ~ how can you find YOUR New Normal? Try doing new things. Did you ever desire a college education or have other dreams? It is never too late to start taking a new course or start a new adventure. In the process you will meet new and interesting people and grow in the process. As I look back over the past forty years as I tried to find my own "new normal", I am amazed and would hardly know the young insecure and fearful widow I once was.

In the process of working on this Blog I had difficulty. I decided to take a break and get back later. The book "Choosing to SEE" by Mary Beth Chapman was staring me in the face. I got it in the mail Thursday evening, started to read it Thursday night after my return from The Widow's Might meeting when I was unable to fall asleep. I read more yesterday, and decided to finish reading it before returning to this Blog. I quote from Page 255 in Mary Beth's beautiful book (about the death of her precious 5-year old daughter):

"For the most part, everyone is adjusting to the new normal~you know the one with a huge elephant in the room that some days you just have to ignore to make it through the day~or on other days, you talk it out, cry it out, fight it out, or pray it out of the room".  (So here is another reference to someone else trying to find her "New Normal" after the death of a loved one.)

Friends, please let the ladies in our group help you through your journey of discovery; know you have a loving support system ready and willing to walk with you. Yet the most important answer is to seek your Creator. He has a marvelous plan for your life. His word tells us in Psalm 139 that "we are fearfully and wonderfully made." Jeremiah 29:11 also tells us: "I know the thoughts (plans) that I have toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope." He promises to be with us always; He hears our every cry or whisper as we call to Him, "Help me, Lord!"

We love you, but He loves you so much more, and He died for you and for me . . .

In Christ, Dee