Christmas Remembrances

As the lovely season of Christmas approaches, most widows find this is a season of mixed emotions.  They remember wonderful times spent with their loved ones, and sometimes the memories turn sad as we miss them and things we once did together.  Decorating homes and Christmas trees are not the same when we do it alone, and other family rituals no longer seem the same.  This may be a good time to start new traditions and plan new things with friends, perhaps with new friends.  

There are times family relationships are strained because our loved ones are no longer present, and we don't feel accepted as we once were when we shared family times with our mates. No one understands the feelings of grief as the widow feels for her husband, though parents, siblings, children, grandchildren and other family members also grieve in their own ways for the loss of their family member.   There are times when decisions were made at the time of death with which other family members may have disagreed.

Miriam Neff in her book "From One Widow to Another" has listed seven tips "For those who've experienced loss and those who love them."

• Please say, "I remember." We love to hear tender, funny and interesting things from your perspective.
•  Let go of your expectations - yourself and others.
• Be willing to flex from traditions. Changes are not necesssarily permanent and things will be different anyway.
• Guard your heart from your ears. You will hear people say things that you shouldn't take personally.
• Prepare for the unexpected, both positive and negative. Remembering a favorite dish that does not need to be prepared, an item that needn't be purchased, an empty chair, will occur when we least expect it.
• Make a memory. For example, for Christmas, create an ornament with the person's name and a word that describes them, or simply a picture.
• Try something new, lighthearted and fun.

There are many more creative things we might try to make our holidays more enjoyable, and less lonely.  Getting together with others who may not have families is always a blessing to each one. If you have a family member and can share with someone who has no one, it would be a blessing for each of you to share your day. I realize this is a different situation, but I remember when my eldest son was in College, I lived about an hour away, and he and his younger brother who worked away from home brought friends to share our holiday dinners. These were always very special.  One year we had a mini-United Nations, as we had students from North, South, East and West, as well as an Exchange Student from Germany.  They were memorable times for each of us.  I also came across a lovely quote in an Angel Magazine, "Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened."  Let's all enjoy our precious memories of our loved ones.

For those of who do not attend Calvary, we have a lovely "Holiday Service of Remembrance" that is open to you. It is a special service to honor the memory of loved ones who passed away. If you would like to join us, we request that you bring a framed picture of your mate so that all may share in your remembrance.  If you would like his name to appear on a memorial list to be displayed during the service, please let me know. The service will be Sunday, December 18 at 6:30 PM in the Sanctuary. I'll be happy to contact the church with the name of your husband to be included in the Memorial, and I will plan to be with any of you who wish to attend. 

This is truly the Season to celebrate the Birth of our Blessed Lord Jesus, the Light of the World.  Let the world see His Light shining through you as you celebrate this year. Let's all remember to draw close to Jesus to celebrate His birth, not forget Him in the midst of our preparations.  Remember always to seek His loving Presence. Ps. 16:11 says "In His Presence is fullness of joy; at His right hand, pleasures forevermore."  I pray for the Joy of His Loving Presence to be with you and your familes as you celebrate His birth this Christmas. His Presence is more precious than any presents we can give or receive.

A Blessed and Holy Christmas to all of you.